Published December 23, 2007 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune

Our dog is still alive and other Christmas news

By Aaron J. Brown

So we sent out our Christmas cards which were actually just letters, and photocopied letters at that. I’ve read the etiquette columns and I know such documents should be augmented with personal notes, ribbons and probably glitter, but we just sent out the black and white photo letter. We have three boys under the age of three, including a toddler and twin babies. I think people understand the unspoken truth that any complaints about the letters might lead to a stabbing involving the tree angel.

See, people set the bar low when you have small children. It really doesn’t matter if your Christmas letters lack whimsy, if the font is clunky and unreadable and there are no verbs. All they want are pictures of “the babies.” Oh, and if those babies are doing something cute – smiling or pursing their lips or reflecting colors from the visible spectrum – they might not care if you’ve written anything in the English language.

But some noticed that we forgot to include Molly Dog in the signature, asking us – very cautiously – if our little furball was still among the living. Well, I’m proud to declare that reports of MoDog’s demise are greatly exaggerated. She is at this moment motionless on our couch, but this is normal and she is probably breathing. We’ll find out the next time something makes a small noise within a six hectare radius of our home.

Back in the old days, Molly got her own paragraph in the Christmas letter. We’d tell of her favorite chew toys, remarking how dogs possess a soft humanity that improves the lives of those around them. Molly is still a wonderful little dog friend but … wait a second, would you. PUT THAT DOWN! No! Do not put that in Dougie’s eye! Who barfed? Whose barf is this? What’s that smell? When did they eat? Is there a new “Thomas the Tank Engine” in the DVR?

See, life with little kids really drained out all that energy we used to put into telling people about our dog. And now, we learn, she got snubbed in our annual holiday letter. If MoDog could read, I would apologize to her right now. I’ll just drop some cheese later in the week.

At the same time, kids make Christmas a lot more fun. Henry, our two-year-old, talks endlessly about the things Santa might bring. I learned how difficult it is for parents to explain Santa Claus from scratch. “Hey, buddy. Santa will bring you presents if you’re good. Yes, from the North Pole. On his sleigh. Pulled by reindeer. Eight of them. And one extra with a red nose. And, oh yeah there are these little people who make the toys. And Santa comes through the chimney even though he is very big. Yes, people used to have chimneys. They are made of bricks.”

But I think Henry finally has the idea. Here’s some dialogue from one morning a couple weeks ago:

HENRY: Santa bring Cranky? (the Crane, from "Thomas and Friends")

ME:  Santa brings presents to good little boys and girls.

HENRY: Hmmm.

ME: Are you a good boy or are you naughty?

HENRY: I like breakfast.

I think all this shows is how I probably watch too much political news every morning. Notice how Henry deftly turned a negative (his implied naughtiness) into a positive (the universally beloved institution of breakfast). Sounds like at least one little boy is ready for “Meet the Press.”

And suddenly we are people reminding a child that Santa is always watching. Always. Even when mom and dad are tending to babies or at work. And Henry will be the one explaining it to Doug and George when they are older. And the commotion of all this is why MoDog missed the Christmas letter this year, even though her short stature gives her the best view of all.

Happy Holidays!

Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune. Read more or contact him at his blog www.minnesotabrown.blogspot.com. 

More columns

Home