Published December 19, 2004 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
After rigorous rehearsal, I’ve got my holiday party moves down pat.
The knowing nod. The hopeful, but ultimately unknowing nod. The smile. The fake smile. The stealth fake smile masking my true feelings. And of course, for especially dull conversations, an exit strategy that involves fleeing to the complimentary cheese tray.
Christmas is less than a week away, and holiday parties are going on all over the Iron Range. Despite the fact that I am a trained journalist who recently finished grad school (thus, statistically likely to steal your silver and eat most of the finger food), I manage to get invited to a few of these annual festive gatherings. I attribute most of this to the charm of my wife, who often prevents me from creating discomforting party scenes, such as when I eat all the cheese and try to frame the hosts’ pet or small child.
Holiday parties are joyful affairs, designed to bring friends and families closer as Christmas nears. Parties also provide a bubbling cauldron of social experimentation. If you put devoutly religious Aunt Bess next to your co-worker’s boyfriend, who happens to be named Thorlock and sings in a band called “Citizens for Beelzebub,” what will happen? Should you record it and will the resulting tape be featured on “America’s Funniest Videos” or “America’s Most Wanted?”
As common as holiday parties are, it also stands to reason that the format might grow a bit stale in some cases. You arrive. You eat food on a tiny plate. You enjoy a beverage while admiring the tree and complementing the architecture of your host’s home. (Though, to be fair, this might just be me. I grew up in a trailer house, so anything without wheels or wood grain paneling is a Frank Lloyd Wright.)
If this routine ever gets you down, there are things you can do. A Web site I found, Party411.com, offers numerous tips and themes for holiday parties. One such idea is the “progressive caroling” party, where the “hosts” start singing carols outside one of the guest’s homes before moving from house to house picking up more guests. Along the way, some of the guests will provide appetizers and holiday cheer, inviting everyone into their homes to warm up. This goes on for some time until the giant horde of carolers arrives at the host’s home for the mother lode of party snacks.
Thus, in this theme, the party keeps growing as the night goes on, unlike most holiday parties, which hemorrhage guests as soon as the cocktail weenies start digesting. In fact, under this plan the host performs the same function as the farmer who first laid eyes on the creature living in the castle at the top of the mountain just outside of town. You know the one, with all the lightning and strange green smoke. It goes without saying that the mission in the “progressive caroling” themed party is for community members to enjoy the holidays together, not to brandish torches before lynching a tragically misunderstood manmade monster with a heart of gold. Individual parties, however, may vary.
Ha! Before the legal team at Party411 gets too upset, let me point out that there are several fun holiday party themes on their site that in no way remind me of “Frankenstein.”
Really, the most important thing during this week of fun-filled holiday cheer is to remember what really matters: our families, our friends and the relative location of the cheese tray to that monotone guy wearing the reindeer sweater.
Happy Holidays!
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.