Published December 2, 2007 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Sometimes humor relies on nothing more than a funny-sounding word. Banana is one such word. Studies show that the funniest sound in the English language is the hard “C” or “K” sound (hence the humor of the word “chicken”). Almost as funny are repeating sounds within a word (think “hootenanny,” “mahi mahi,” “Mississippi,” or – of course – “banana”). I theorize that is why “My nana choked on crackers in Walla Walla” is a funny sentence. Since this is a very serious page in a very serious newspaper I am going to remain as academic as possible as I focus on bananas.
Bananas look funny, sound funny and they’re a three-dimensional euphemism for something naughty. (Have you ever noticed how a banana resembles a hot dog? Those have so many nitrates! OMG!). Meantime, old bananas are turned into a great source of alliteration (and carbs): banana bread. Banana bread is tasty and beloved, harkening Midwestern memories of hearth and home.
Our toddler son Henry is a junky for banana bread. One time, he and I walked home with a loaf of home baked banana bread from grandma’s house. The dialogue went something like this: “Nana bread?” said Henry. “When we get home,” I said. This was repeated 443 times until we reach the kitchen of our home. By the time I found the bread knife Henry was running in place, pointing his finger at me and shouting: “Cut it up! Cut it up!” (He also did this while I carved the Halloween pumpkin last month).
The making of this banana bread, however, opened my eyes to an interesting ethical dilemma. You can buy bananas in a big bag at the grocery store for really cheap if you wait for them to turn brown, which, as we’ve established, makes them suitable only for banana bread. These bananas are generally the single bananas that people pull off of a bunch to “customize” their banana quantities. I always assumed some people did that, but during one recent visit to the produce section I saw several people walk up to the bananas, rip one or two off and take the remaining bunch. This, to me, seems wrong. We don’t empty half the grape bags before we buy grapes? You don’t peel open the steak wrapper and toss one of the cuts out to buy just the one. No one is ever going to buy a single banana at full retail price, so when people yank off the extra bananas they sentence the poor fruit to spend the prime of its life languishing on the shelf before being sold at cut rate.
But a funny thing happened on the way to my hasty conclusion. I posted an item on my blog about this banana topic. Rather quickly, I got three responses – all defending the practice as a consumer right. “Maybe you are the weird one if you think you only can buy bunches as they are displayed?” wrote one reader.
Listen folks, bananas come from THOUSANDS of miles away almost entirely from foreign sources and are sold for less than 75 cents per pound. It staggers the mind to think that we, as a people, can accomplish this but not figure out health care, education or how to make good pop music. All I know is that we eat a lot of bananas in my house and have only one “banana tree” to hang them. Because of “bunch breakers,” I have to buy four- or five-bunchers when I go shopping. So I buy two fives, hang one on the hook while the other one falls off the top all week and bruises. So then I have to dig brown spots off otherwise perfect bananas with my cereal spoon at the time of day when my motor skills are at their worst. I’m all for consumer rights, but I think we can all be a bit more altruistic when it comes to buying bananas. If I want a seven-buncher, but they only have six- or eight-bunchers, I’ll just decide: one less or one more. Seriously, this is why our country can’t reform Social Security.
It’s not just a matter of how we buy bananas; it’s an ethical conundrum. Can you look yourself in the mirror and say, “The way I buy bananas is a positive representation of all the human race has to offer?”
Hey everyone. I just wrote a column about bananas. HA! Now that’s humor.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune. Read more or contact him at his blog www.minnesotabrown.blogspot.com.