Published November 25, 2007 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune

Surviving the first salvo of the holiday season

By Aaron J. Brown

Up go the inflatable lawn ornaments, bigger and more animatronic than ever. Up go the LED Christmas lights, which use less energy than the old bulbs that break when you look at them or when they feel sad. Up goes my body mass index, as powerful, but delicious, holiday cookies force themselves down my throat despite my desperate pleas for healthier alternatives.

Down go the chances of getting from one part of the country to another as air travel becomes legally classified as torture. Down the hatch go the phantom snacks that characterize December, those little sugary sticks for your coffee and fudge, fudge, fudge. Down, down goes our checking account balances as we all test the limits of the “entertaining” portion of our household budgets.

I’m generally a positive, happy dude. But it’s hard for me to avoid cynicism during the holiday consumerism assault. Every year we are treated to the false impressions that our economy relies on everyone buying plastic goods the day after Thanksgiving. We are told what toys are “hot” and what our rooftops should look like from the ionosphere (Answer: like a small star). People spend themselves into debt, creating stress and hardship. The kind of love we aim to celebrate during this season is replaced by the kind of love that is really just a rush of shopping mall oxygen and excessive eggnog. I better stop now before retail federation storm troopers raid my house and charge half a dozen dancing, singing animal decorations to my credit card. (Try explaining that one to CitiBank).

Many of you read this column in the newspaper, which relies on the advertising bump that comes with the holidays. So I have to be clear that I am all for the exchange of goods for money. And if you’re going to shop in stores, shop locally. Duluth has a city sales tax and, if you haven’t heard, there are many reports of brutal piracy along Highway 53. What I don’t like is buying useless junk as a prerequisite for holiday fun.

This will be the first holiday season with our twin boys. Doug and George are almost five months old now; not quite old enough to fully understand Christmas but also capable of being frightened by Santa. Henry, at 2 and a half, is all geared up but he will probably have his first Santa encounter this year, too. Having kids offers at least a little hope for the future of Christmas cheer. Kids like presents, sure (except for the babies; they like shiny things and applesauce), but they also like the simple fun of making cookies, playing in the snow (if and when we get snow) and decorating the house.

So spend your day recovering from the first big weekend of Holidays, Inc. Plug your lights in. Heat up some leftovers. Make sure your giant inflatable snowman waves, blinks and does your taxes like the box says it’s supposed to. We have a long season of holiday capitalism to survive; here’s hoping you find your little piece of joy along the way.

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