Published Nov. 23, 2003 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Mark my words. In five years, no fewer than 25 homes in the city of Hibbing will feature 50-foot-tall inflatable Santa Clauses straddling their rooftops, tethered to the front yard with ropes and chains normally reserved for the big green dinosaur often used by car dealerships.
“HO! HO! HO!” the Claus shall bellow, from speakers mounted atop the porch.
I’ll spare you the traditional “the Christmas season comes earlier every year” tome. As soon as marketers get the whiff of potential holiday dollars in the crisp autumn air, they shall hang the stockings next to the cornucopia, pumpkins and leftover Fourth of July bunting. On this issue, I humbly yield to the capitalist might of Christmas, Inc.
I now point the finger of shame at the buyer.
Yes, Mr. and Ms. Consumer, I know you think the massive inflatable glowing reindeer at Wal-Mart are innocent. I know you think they are a way to show your holiday spirit. I’m here to tell you – just because your lawn decoration needs an electric pump and a 200-watt light bulb doesn’t guarantee holiday spirit. Holiday spirit is felt, but not easily seen. The only time these inflatable lawn monuments can be felt and not seen is if they explode.
Would you like them to explode? That can be arranged.
I like Christmas trees and even the kilowatt-spinning light displays are great to see. But you need to know when to say when. Light-up lawn decorations used to be limited by the weight of plastic. You couldn’t have a 10-foot Santa because he would be too cumbersome to move and store.
Now, scientists – apparently bored with the cure for cancer and perpetual motion – have developed a cheap plastic-like canvas that can be inflated and lit from within. Thanks to slick retailers, these affordable creations are easily distributed throughout small town America. For a hundred bucks, your yard is not only visible from space, but can actually be recognized as tacky by Russian cosmonauts.
I say all this with the acknowledgement that I am no baron of taste. My wife and I are proud owners of a two-foot lighted holiday penguin. You shan’t hear a “Bah Humbug!” from me.
But there is a difference between my penguin and these inflatable behemoths. The penguin is part of a decorating scheme, including lights and a view of our Christmas tree. The statement from these giant inflatable Santas seems to be, “LOOK AT THIS FREAKING SANTA!” with scant attention to the overall decorating theme.
You can quibble about the meaning of holiday decorations, how they negate religion and are motivated by commercial interests, but these new decorations take it up a notch. Putting up these decorations will lead to an escalation in lighted holiday idols that can no longer be controlled by public authorities. If we can have an eight-foot Santa for $50 this year, then next year we will have 12 feet for $40.
So put up your holiday decorations. It doesn’t matter if you’re early. Just remember, when you go the gaudy decoration route, think “containment.” Are you starting something that could get out of hand?
All this being said, enjoy your Thanksgiving this week. That’s right, we’ve got another major holiday that comes before Christmas – even though it’s one of those pesky non-revenue-generating holidays.
I know I’m thankful for any holiday where family gets together to eat good food and no giant inflatable decorations are required.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for The Daily Tribune.