Published Nov. 2, 2003 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Most of us go to work with little fear that our vocation will lead to our untimely demise. That’s a relatively modern phenomenon here on the Iron Range, where mining and timber accidents were once tragically common. Now, in days of padded cubicle walls, it is the box of office doughnuts that pose the biggest threat to most workers.
Most, but not all.
The U.S. Department of Labor recently released its 2003 list of the most dangerous jobs in America. An article on the CNN/Money web site details the collection of hazardous occupations.
Topping the list is an old classic, lumberjack, or more properly, timber cutter. That’s followed by professional fishers – and no, we’re not talking about the tubby guys who motor around lakes with TV crews. We’re talking about the people who set out on large fishing vessels on the tumultuous sea to fish for hundreds of hours with little rest.
Commercial pilots are third on the list, buoyed by numbers from pilots of small airplanes. According to the article, an Alaskan bush pilot who works a full career runs a one in eight chance of dying an untimely death. Those are higher odds than winning a free Mountain Dew in those “look under the cap” promotions.
Rounding out the list are other familiar jobs: metal workers, sales drivers, roofers, electrical installation workers, farm and construction laborers and truck drivers. Some of these jobs are rewarded with high pay, but many are not. In addition, these statistics are based on the number per million who are killed on the job. If you count total deaths, you can add delivery and taxi drivers to the list of workers in peril.
But is that list complete? There seem to be some pretty dangerous jobs that the labor department overlooked.
* Tiger trainer – we’re all glad performer Roy Horn of Siegfried and Roy is recovering nicely in Las Vegas, but the number of years you can spend teaching tigers to dance around stage like M.C. Hammer is finite indeed.
* Irony specialist – OK, so this might be a rare job title, but with Arnold Schwarzenegger now leading the world’s fifth-largest economy it’s got to be a tough one.
* Sound technician at Las Vegas theater where Celine Dion performs nightly – One night, fine. Two nights, wrought with a hidden edge of danger. Every night, a deep abyss of emotional and auditory torture.
* Security guard for Wrigley Field left field section – When the ball is up in the air, you’ve got to be ready for just about anything.
* Letterhead designer for IRRRB, er, IRRRA, or rather, IRR. Three times as many reprints equals three times as many paper cuts and three times the blood loss. Keep those Band-Aids handy. By this time next year, the acronym for the Iron Range’s unique economic development agency might be as short as IR. By 2005 it will simply be known as “I.” Decades from now it will be referenced only by a knowing glance.
* Squirrel living near a PUC electric substation – Technically, being a squirrel is not a vocational choice; however, there is no doubt that these furry critters living near those electrified jungle gyms are in great peril. The PUC might save time on their outage press releases by simply including a check box at the bottom of the form that says: “This recent power outage __ WAS __ WAS NOT caused by a squirrel entering the substation.”
* Fact-checker for the State of the Union address – Is that a fact? Oh, it BETTER be a fact, junior.
There are many other dangerous jobs out there, and these off-handed suggestions are not to make light of the good men and women who do perilous jobs every day. In fact, the majority of us whose greatest workplace hazard is bad fluorescent lighting should be thankful that those timber cutters, crabbers, fishers and bush pilots are out there doing the tough work that someone has to do.
It's just too bad that hiding money in Caribbean banks is a more lucrative profession.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for The Daily Tribune.