Published October 10, 2004 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
I don’t care what anyone says. Station wagons are cool.
A recent story in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (“Consumers welcome wagons” of Sept. 26, 2004) declares that the demand for these four-door cargo vehicles grows with each passing day. Granted, most manufacturers are calling them “sport wagons” to avoid any negative grandma/grocery getter connotations. Go ahead and call them “virility wagons,” for all I care. They’re cool on their own.
The difference is that I thought wagons were cool even when they weren’t cool. Cars bring you from one place to another, moving objects and other people. That’s all cars need to do. Some automobiles are better at these two primary missions than others, but if you’re buying a vehicle based on any other criteria, you are wasting money.
I don’t have a station wagon now, but my family and I have owned several over the years. Next time we buy a vehicle, it’s going to be a station wagon.
Station wagons boast good gas mileage and comfortably carry five people with a decent amount of cargo. Though I have no plans to flee the state with most of my belongings, I like to know that the option is available to me. Station wagons can easily carry several weeks of supplies and blend into American roadways like the pet chameleon of an anti-government militia.
Yes, I know about trucks, and minivans, and … gulp … SUVs. Many of these vehicle genres contain some very nice models. However, station wagons generally cost less than any of these, get better overall gas mileage and are far more versatile for those of us who straddle the line between wily rustic and suave metropolitan.
My first car was a sky blue 1982 Olds Cutlass Cruiser with the fake … er, I mean “faux” wood door panels. It was everything a 16-year-old needed from a car. It started most of the time, the radio drowned out any unpleasant engine noises and the speedometer stopped at 75 mph, so I could plausibly say that’s as fast as I ever went.
Another advantage: Any damage inflicted upon my Cruiser only added to its rugged charm. Case it point, during a snowstorm my station wagon spent the night in a Cherry Township ditch. (Don’t worry, kids; no laws were broken in the ditching of the wagon). When my dad and I went to get it with a truck the next day, someone had fired three .22 bullets into the driver’s side door.
Before I continue with the story, don’t be alarmed. Every place has its cultural eccentricities. In the sticks of central St. Louis County, we check if anyone is trapped in a ditched vehicle by firing three shots in close formation into the side door. I’m told other cultures don’t do this. Viva la difference!
Anyway, for the rest of my high school driving career, I got to drive a vehicle riddled with bullet holes. Two words: “street cred.” I was free to join the speech team and run for student council while the rough crowd nodded with approval at my wagon. “You should see the other guy,” I would say. I meant that literally. I always wondered who did that.
My future station wagons never did take any bullets for me, but they were generally reliable vehicles. People who drive splashy, expensive vehicles generally do so to compensate for something in their life that is lacking – such as a credit rating.
So if station wagons are indeed the new “in thing,” jolly good. When GQ Magazine declares the hot new “khaki pants and sneakers” look of 2005, I’ll be set.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.