Published Oct. 5, 2003 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to take this opportunity to announce my intentions to write a column for The Daily Tribune. Yes, I know you thought I had been writing a column for a while now. I wasn’t really writing before; I was pre-writing. Now it’s for real. I’m really writing now, starting today.
If this statement sounds stupid to you, send a message to the dozen or so Democratic candidates running for president. For the past several months we’ve been reading about the pool of contenders for the Democratic nomination, but now those same people are holding press conferences to announce that their slick, well-rehearsed presidential rhetoric was, in fact, slick, well-rehearsed presidential rhetoric.
A few weeks back Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, who had been running for president for more than a year, announced he was running for president. The following week he was joined by fellow candidates Sen. John Edwards, former Sen. Carol Mosley Braun and former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean, all who had apparently not been running for president either.
Oh, they’re running now, though.
The REALLY big surprise came when retired U.S. Army Gen. Wesley Clark announced he was running for president, too. This was a shocker because for the last year he’s actually been not running, er, not actually running. Well, whatever. He’s running now.
We’ll have to see if the other half dozen Democratic candidates announce they’re running, too. Apparently, just running for president isn’t enough. You have to announce twice for the point to stick.
Now, I remember a few months back President Bush announced he would seek re-election. Now how does that work? Does he have to make a second announcement, too? Or does BEING president count as the first announcement? Tough call. If I were him, I’d call a press conference and clear this up.
The problem with a mass media society is that, eventually, everyone becomes too media savvy for their own good. This is what we’re seeing in the 2004 presidential race. Candidates know that when they announce they’re running for president, they get tons of easy media coverage. So, if they can get away with “announcing” their candidacy more than once, why not try?
And then we have the sound bites. These days, political speeches are really a series of 10- to 20-second blips packaged to air on evening newscasts. When candidates do sound bites right, they look great on CNN or Fox News. But have you ever watched the extended campaign coverage on C-SPAN, where cameras follow the people around at big events? You start to realize that we don’t vote for people in these big races; we actually vote for advanced forms of talking dolls, pre-programmed with 50 fun sayings.
REPORTER: Excuse me, Senator Lockjaw. You voted for a bill, Senate File 1120 I believe, that authorizes emergency clear cutting of national forests to prevent fire. Care to explain?
LOCKJAW: You can please the trees by stopping the ire of the fire.
REPORTER: You’ve criticized the president on the economy. What’s your plan?
LOCKJAW: If Americans don’t have jobs, they join the mobs. And that’s a no-win situation.
LOCAL TEEN: Yo, Lockjaw! Boxers or briefs?
LOCKJAW: I’ll tell you what underwear is “under there” when we get to see some weapons of mass destruction. HA!
See, it sounds nice at first. But then later, everyone goes home and starts to really think about what was said. Reporters wonder why they feel the need to include an inane slogan about trees in their story before they realize, “that’s all he really said!”
We live in a society where we can learn more about our politicians than people ever dreamed possible. The consequence is that politicians are actually making themselves less substantive to stay alive. Having a presidential candidate call a press conference to announce that he or she REALLY running for president isn’t as crazy as it sounds. The crazy thing is trying to figure out who would be the best president under the glare of the TV lights.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for The Daily Tribune.