Published Aug. 17, 2003 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
During this past year’s state budget crisis, I doubt any Minnesotan ever uttered the phrase: “Things would be better if former child actor Gary Coleman were involved.”
Sure, a lot of people might have been mad at the way Gov. Tim Pawlenty handled things, or at the way his opponents tried to block his agenda. But I think we in Minnesota can be proud that, regardless of personal politics, we never melted down into a circus of bored and/or desperate celebrities trying to boot the governor in a largely unjustified recall election.
As Bill Murray’s character in “Caddyshack” might say, “At least we’ve got that going for us.”
Unfortunately, the people of California cannot make that claim. Our nation’s most populous state is about to hold a huge recall election featuring more than 200 people vying for Democratic Gov. Gray Davis’s job. If Davis is recalled on the first part of the ballot, voters can select from the second part of the ballot – which should weigh roughly six pounds – one of a wide variety of candidates.
Most notable on the list of candidates is actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who leads in many recent polls and landed cover pictures on “Time” and “Newsweek” last week. He joins columnist Arianna Huffington, last year’s Republican nominee Bill Simon and Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante, who hopes to serve as an alternative for Democrats in the event Davis is recalled.
But those are by no means the only candidates. In addition to Coleman, of “Different Strokes” fame, the list includes adult film stars, comedians and many out-of-work people just looking for a job.
As a regular viewer of political comedy shows like “The Daily Show” and the late night talk shows, I expected to see some fine jokes on the subject in recent days. But there is no joke that needs to be told. The hosts of these shows just stare at the camera with the same dumbfounded look as me as they roll actual footage of what’s going on in California. When Arnold Schwarzenegger uses lines from the “Terminator” movies as cornerstones of his gubernatorial campaign, you just can’t beat the real thing in terms of political satire.
Time will tell if Davis is recalled and who, if anyone, will succeed him. Time will also tell if the voters will regret electing one of their favorite celebrities to solve a very serious budget crisis.
We here in Minnesota can recognize a little of what’s going on over on the West Coast. In 1998, we elected Jesse Ventura, a former wrestler and radio talk show host as our governor. While he’s every bit as outlandish as “Ahhnold,” it’s still not quite the same. As crazy as it sounds, the Ventura campaign actually had more substance to it than almost any of the campaigns being run now in the Golden State. At least Ventura came out of the gate talking about issues.
I feel bad for the people of California. They need a plainspoken camera-hungry celebrity with a proven legislative record. Perhaps we in Minnesota should encourage our former Gov. Ventura to change his registration to California and leap into the race. He’s spent a lot of time out there; it’s like a second home to him. If they’re willing to accept an Austrian, they’ll probably take a Minnesotan, too.
In Ventura, Californians have all the things they seem to want: simplified slogans, eight-word position papers and threats of bodily harm to political foes. They’ll also have what they need: fiscal discipline and a guy who knows how to conduct press conferences (even if they usually end with a member of the press corps bleeding from his eye sockets).
It might be too late for this idea, but it’s worth thinking about. Then again, Ventura might not be interested. California is pretty nutty, even for a guy who used to beat up big men in tights while wearing a pink feather boa.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for The Daily Tribune.