Published August 6, 2006 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
By Aaron J. Brown
Like an occupying army, life keeps marching by. One can only hope that the soldiers bring chocolate and pantyhose instead of tear gas and thick books explaining how to suppress large crowds.
Sorry if that’s too heavy. I’ve been watching the news. Happier times are on the way, however, as we are in the midst of county fairs and harvest celebrations here on the Iron Range. These events are the landmarks of life. As a child, we think of the cotton candy and rides. As a teenager we think of attractive members of the opposite sex found trolling these venues. I’ve now entered a stage of life where cotton candy is too sweet and I occasionally find myself thinking, “Put something on, young lady; it’s better to earn respect than leers.” I don’t know when the next stage (seeking senior discounts and complaining about the cost of parking) starts – but I’m in no hurry.
As regular readers of this column know, often against their will, we have a small child in the family who absorbs a good deal of our attention. This time of year brings cumbersome stroller maneuvering through thick mud, over thick power cords, around thick people, all while Henry reaches for thousands of tiny, sticky things he should not have. That’s OK. It’s part of life and actually more fun than you’d think.
Last year Henry was just a baby. Though it didn’t seem this way at the time, new babies are extremely boring. They eat, sleep, excrete, and cry only when one of those three things doesn’t happen on time. Now Henry is moving around independently, and while this creates a lot more work for parents it also produces the kind of adorable and/or hilarious moments that will one day flash through my memory in grainy, filmstrip colors. This year he’ll get to enjoy the animals, foods and sounds of the fair, ideally without going into that catatonic state that new babies often enter when their systems overload.
The St. Louis County Fair wraps up today. By press time we’ll have probably already attended this annual event. I only hope that the front page of today’s paper doesn’t include the news of my tragic demise in a faulty ride. If it does, well, bummer.
I read with interest that two girls were hurt on the “Zipper” a few months ago at some fair in another state. The Zipper is one of my favorite rides – not because it’s especially different from the other spinning rides, but because of its psychological effect on those who ride it. The last time I rode the Zipper it squeaked and shimmied and when you looked up into its guts you could see what seemed to be important pieces of the machinery lashed together with greasy rope. No, it was neither faster nor taller than more expensive rides, but you actually feared death. Now, news reports have circulated that there was an accident on the Zipper, including a quote by one of the girls saying that no one … NO ONE … should ever ride the Zipper.
If by any chance a relative of the offending Zipper is allowed to continue touring the country, its reputation will be half the fun. It reminded me of my elementary school, where there was a teacher who purportedly broke a kid’s arm some time years ago. I don’t know if he actually broke a kid’s arm, but the legend that he did was all he needed to enjoy a peaceful 30-plus-year career in K-6 education.
Henry’s still too young to ride the Zipper, but perhaps there’s a tot ride that’s more his speed. No doubt he’ll take more interest in looking at the hairy animals and sometimes hairy people that make up the St. Louis and Itasca county fairs. He’s still got cotton candy and his hormone-driven teen years to look forward to. I’m just enjoying the ride.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.