Published July 23, 2006 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
By Aaron J. Brown
You may have noticed evidence of Hibbing’s ongoing pigeon problems in the pages of this paper in recent weeks. If you haven’t heard, city hall and much of the downtown area faces an ongoing fight with pigeons and, well, let’s just call it “pigeon aftermath.”
I don’t know exactly when the war between the city and these disease-prone rat birds started. Some say it was when they closed the old hospital downtown, but wily veterans remember earlier man-bird skirmishes. Perhaps it all dates back to when legendary Hibbing mayor Vic Power strangled a pigeon on the steps of city hall, angering its 7,896 biological descendants.
Last week, a professional animal control person installed anti-pigeon strips to electrically “discourage” birds from roosting over the south entrance of city hall. Other discussions have centered around “hiring” a peregrine falcon to thin out Hibbing’s pigeon flock. Though these tactics may seem extreme to some, anyone who has tip-toed around the white spots on the front steps of city hall knows what’s at stake. If memory serves, we’ve already tried an owl decoy perched atop city hall. Maybe it really is time for some jolt strips or raptor muscle.
Pigeons, as many city residents know, are not the only small animal locked in guerilla combat with this Iron Range municipality. Every once in a while squirrels manage to take down the city power supply when one of the furry rodents wanders into a high voltage area looking for nuts. I’ve joked in the past that PUC press releases regarding power outages should include a check box indicating whether the problem was squirrel-related or non squirrel-related. Well, I learned through one of my frequent perusals of the web that other towns experience such critter-induced power problems.
According to an AP story from Las Cruces, N.M., customers there lost electricity when a bird dropped a snake onto a power line. An El Paso Electric spokesperson could not comment on the size of the snake and “would not speculate on what type of bird dropped it.” Also not included in the story was whether or not the “snake drop” was accidental or further evidence of a burgeoning animal militia testing its limits.
News analysts like to speculate about homeland security. When the government prevents an Al-Qaida terrorist attack by intercepting an e-mail with the subject head “Plan for Tuesday’s terrorist attack,” everyone is happy. And by everyone, I mean people who think finding such e-mail is better than actually knowing Arabic or where Asia is. So why isn’t anyone upset that animals can randomly black out the grid? I’ll even grant you that the animals probably aren’t TRYING to shut down the wheels of commerce. I’m just wondering what kind of homeland security we can claim if we lose power when some wobbly old vulture whose eyes were bigger than its beak drops a sidewinder on the high tension wire.
Furthermore, what grisly conclusion could arise if the pigeons and squirrels began working together? Picture a dark night. Suddenly, the street lights are out. Then you hear it. “Coo! Coo! Coo!” Then a splat noise, and another, and another. Your feet begin to slip. No traction anywhere! Aaargh!
So those concerned for our national security probably hope that peregrine falcon does a real Toby Keith number on those pigeons. For that matter, while the bird of prey circles our town – seeing all and knowing all – it can target squirrels too. Perhaps then our long standing battle with small animals with high metabolisms will come to a successful end.
But I have a suspicion – as might anyone who’s followed this cat and mouse game for the past few years – that the electric strips and hired birds are but an opening salvo in what might be a long, cold war with our feathered and/or furry friends. Buy a generator, durable shoes and an umbrella. It begins.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.