Published June 24, 2007 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Life on the Iron Range presents many challenges; a volatile economy, cultural distrust of outsiders and small town parochialism. But one great advantage we have here is that no one from any rung of the social ladder is expected to be fashionable. I’ve seen city officials wear sweatsuits to ribbon cuttings and the high school kids don’t know it yet but that thing they’re wearing is sooooo last year. To me, this is good for many reasons not least of which is that our freedom from fashion means we needn’t own nearly as many “dry clean only” items of clothing.
I bring this up because the other morning “Good Morning America” discussed, at length, some of the pressing national trends regarding dry cleaning, something that matters very much to people who must be fashionable. For instance, did you know that in a study only 2 percent of the New York dry cleaners who made mistakes or damaged clothing apologized to their customers? I mean (cue Jerry Seinfeld impression), what is the deal with these dry cleaners? (End Jerry Seinfeld impersonation). It’s enough to make you want to wear a black turtleneck and snarl condescending remarks about an off-Broadway play over $5 iced coffee drinks.
Well, maybe not.
I dry clean my suits (who am I kidding, suit) from time to time, usually when the meatball stains from the teacher convention start attracting the really big flies. And all those who follow this pattern are enough to keep the handful of remaining Iron Range dry cleaners in business (staffed, incidentally, by very polite and courteous people). But I’d much rather run my clothes through our handy washer combo in the basement. Plus, I’d rather not iron, so I lean toward items you can wear right out of the dryer … or, you know, pulled out of the basket a few days later. The last thing I need is another chore to add to banking, grocery shopping and buying freight cars full of diapers.
The relative rarity of dry clean only clothes up here has other advantages. By now many have heard the story of the guy who is suing a dry cleaner for losing his favorite pair of pants. These pants must have been extra special because he’s seeking $54 million in damages. According to an ABC News story from June 13, the man broke down in tears as he told his version of events the day the dry cleaners said a pair of cuffed pants were his even though he knew otherwise. “I have in my adult life, with one exception, never worn pants with cuffs,” the man said in testimony. I am left assuming that the man keeps a “pants log” to keep track of his cuff/no cuff ratio.
There’s a good chance the pants man’s case will be thrown out before this column even goes to press, but nevertheless this fiasco got a lot of press. I can’t help but notice, however, that these sorts of things don’t happen on the Iron Range. Few here have a pair of pants they’d be willing to sue over. I lost some of my favorite pants over the years because I really shouldn’t have mowed lawn wearing them. I never once considered suing Briggs and Stratton for their failure to put a “grass stain” warning label on the mower deck.
The most you’ll see locally along these lines are the signs at Laundromats that say “work clothes only” on certain machines. That’s just a courtesy. If you’re washing delicate $500 blouses or skirts, you probably aren’t going to risk the machine just used by Joe Blow coming off midnights. For Iron Rangers, any piece of clothing that costs triple digits better pull a trailer or have surround sound, too.
That’s what I love about living here. I can barely dress myself, as most observers would attest, but around here that’s no social liability. After all, no one ever complains about the politeness of detergent or the customer service skills of fabric softener.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.