Published June 13, 2004 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Like most of you reading this column, I am a northerner – a Minnesotan who lives and works in a region deemed a playground for our affluent suburban brothers and sisters. I say this not to incite a class war, but to make them mad, because mad suburbanites are funny. My favorite is when they finally shriek, “Well, WE have a historic downtown, unlike (name of other suburb).”
There are many joys in living in the North, among them limited contact with people from the suburbs. But there are also disadvantages, not least of which is the difficulty in attending Twins games. We live just under four hours away from the Twin Cities and any trip there requires a lot of money for gas, food and often lodging. As a result, Christina and I generally only get to attend one game a year. This can be difficult for me because of my longstanding “Twins Jones” that I believe was detailed in an earlier column this spring. I’m still waiting for the bullet train that will one day connect Hibbing to Chicago Ave. just outside the Dome.
Last Saturday, we were able to join with a group of coworkers who chartered a bus to attend a game. The silver chariot whisked us to the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, dropped us off at the door with ample time for hot dog purchasing, and chauffeured us home without a worry. The whole thing costs about as much as if you drove and parked yourself, but without the hassle of having to drive though the soulless malaise of the suburbs (That’s right. I said “malaise.” What of it, Eagan?) On the whole, this is a pretty good way to watch Twins games.
I had high hopes this year. For a long time, I would attend one Twins game a year only to watch them lose after “Everyday” Eddie Guardado emerged from the bullpen. “Everyday” Eddie gets his nickname for reliability, except for specific games in which I am present. This year, former Twin Eddie is tormenting some poor fan who drove into Seattle, Wash., from Spokane for HIS only Mariners game of the year.
It appears my problems extend beyond the Eddie factor. Despite the fun atmosphere of live baseball at the Dome, the Twins lost to the Detroit Tigers, a team that lost ¾ of their games last year, by a score of 6-0. The Twins mustered just three hits, one of them arguably being a misruled fielding error.
The experience was still fun. We took out a second mortgage on our house and ate one of just about every food item sold at the Dome. A batted ball, errant bat or other flying equipment incidental to the game of baseball did NOT strike us. It was Twins Hall of Fame day, so we witnessed the induction of ‘60s era Twins catcher Earl Battey into the team’s hall of fame, and have the commemorative pin to prove it. But, boy, a Christian Guzman hit with men on second and third would have been a lot better.
We hope to get back for another Twins game this year, one in which they score runs and our outfielders won’t get whiplash from watching baseballs whap the Kirby Puckett banner behind the right field upper deck. Perhaps it would help if we gave the starting lineup advance notice that some hitting might be nice on the day we show up. Maybe they’d try harder if they knew the crowd included some of us Northerners.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.