Published May 16, 2004 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Now that overnight temperatures reliably exceed freezing, I’m happy. I don’t have to scrape my car’s windshield unless I park under a bird-filled tree. In addition, mosquitoes haven’t figured out how tasty I am. This is great! I know the bugs will come, and soon I will curse the warmth I now embrace, but I’m determined to be more positive.
In fact, our beloved Iron Range could use a dose of optimism amid all the negativity that spreads around town. So here goes – my list of good things about living on the Range in the month of May.
1) As snowbirds return to the area from Florida, Arizona and other warm climates, we year-round residents have a great opportunity for a laugh. Try this: Wear a red sequined cowboy hat as you perform yard work. When your snowbird neighbor asks about it, tell him, “Oh ya,’ this is what everyone in town wears now on account of the new ordinance. They charge you big time if you don’t wear your hat.” Then sell him your hat. You get money and your neighbor gets a fancy hat.
2) With temperatures approaching 80 degrees, the lack of air conditioning at the Hibbing Public Library makes it easy to hatch chicken, duck and goose eggs atop the reference shelves. The sale of said fowl could fund library air conditioning.
3) Local lawmakers are fighting to get money for northern Minnesota projects at the state legislative session in St. Paul. Things aren’t looking so great, though. Or are they? You know how your parents used to say you weren’t going to get a bike for your birthday, but they were really secretly planning to surprise you with the best bike ever. Maybe this summer Gov. Tim Pawlenty will drive up to the Range in the middle of the night to construct a working iron nugget plant. Then, just as the sunlight peeks over the horizon he’ll hang the “Help Wanted” sign on the gate and wake us all up. “SURPRISE!” Oh boy, oh boy! This will be good!
4) Election year lawn maintenance can easily be delegated to city council candidates in exchange for a vague promise of support. Just make sure you don’t book one for the lawn and another for the roofing, they might get wise.
5) Students and teachers throughout the region are almost done with the school year. A negative person might make the joke that with all the school layoffs across the Range, teachers and students might be competing for the same summer jobs. However, a positive person would note that we now boast some of the nation’s best-educated, most talented unemployment rolls. Boy howdy, NOW we’re ready for some jobs!
6) The walleye and northern fishing opener means there’s finally a market for all those worms you keep finding in the spongy walls of your basement.
7) After-hours bellowing on the streets of Hibbing is back. Be sure to check out some of the new hits, like “T-Bone – Hey, T-Bone, the bar is closed and someone took my hog!” and, “(Expletive) the (expletive). I’d (expletive) in (expletive) if I (expletive) could!” Don’t forget the classic: “Heeeeey! Yooooou! Heeeey! Over heeeeere!”
See, there’s more than nice weather and beautiful nature to keep us content. We’re brimming with positive thoughts, or at least I am. Keep those happy thoughts going and, before long, it’s hard to find anything wrong with life on the Iron Range.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.