Published April 3, 2005 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
People who live in northern Minnesota share certain characteristics. Tolerance to cold is one. Aversion to traffic is another. Sure, we’re all different in certain ways. Some are tall, others short. Some are conservative, others liberal.
But, around these parts, a short Republican and a tall Democrat remain equally able to whip out stories involving encounters between their vehicles and unlucky woodland creatures. The only real difference is the adjustment of the driver’s seat and the political message on the bumper sticker now obscured by blood and fur.
For evidence, take a stroll down any of our busy highways and observe the festering piles of deer remains left over from the previous year. New state policies have created a scenario where, unless a deer carcass physically blocks the highway or somehow threatens the institution of traditional marriage, road crews leave it on the roadside. Ideally, another critter carries off the corpse, but worst case it stays in place, decomposing within a stone’s throw of a sign boasting Minnesota’s “natural splendor.”
The other day, on my way to the Eastern edge of our glorious Iron Range, I saw several examples along the ditch of what looked like ceremonial piles of bones with deer heads perched on top. One must hope that distinguished industrialists seeking a place to expand their high-tech business didn’t see this “Lord of the Flies-esc” “living art” along the highway.
Still, there’s no avoiding the fact that most of us have had to deal with an incident of vehicular “critter-slaughter” in our lives. Since the state of Minnesota is about as likely to increase carcass pick-up as it is to win a Super Bowl, others have come up with ideas to help the epidemic of critter collisions.
According to a March 27 Duluth News-Tribune article by John Myers, MnDOT is trying to improve highway safety in a new expansion project on Highway 61 along the North Shore of Lake Superior. Key to the plan is the creation of large culverts beneath the roadway to allow fish, deer, bears, wolves and other animals to cross at will, free from the threat of blunt head injury waiting for them on the highway.
Speaking as someone who’s felled more than one deer with his car, I must say that any effort to protect animals and my insurance rates is welcome indeed. I do have some minor reservations, however, which I raise on behalf of the woodland creatures.
First, who’s going to tell the animals that they have a special crossing? Do they have a bulletin board somewhere, full of old “Far Side” comics and hoof and mouth jokes? How many animals will seek out the dark underpass beneath the roar of the semi trucks instead of that nice quiet over-the-road crossing just around that turn where all the fog settles?
Isn’t asking deer to cross at a designated location kind of like asking people at a large office to take the stairs instead of the elevator? It’s a nice thought, but who’s actually going to do it, except for the one or two people who wear jumpsuits everywhere and have a resting heart rate of 21.
Second, what we call a “wildlife passageway” might be called a “wicked good buffet” by your average Northland bear. You’ve got your fish, your deer and your lost hiker all in one convenient location. All that’s missing is the dipping sauce and croutons. If I’m a deer, I’m a little leery of that setup.
I suppose scientists and road engineers have thought all this through. Like I said, anything that helps us get from Point A to Point B without hitting Animal C is a lovely idea. We’ll just have to see if the critters buy the new idea.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.