Published March 11, 2007 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
By Aaron J. Brown
That’s right. You read the headline correctly. As of today, this column has gone completely green. I’d even ask that they print this in green ink if green ink weren’t made from the crushed spines of spotted owls (True story! You don’t even want to know where the blue ink comes from).
What does ‘going green’ mean? Well, it means that this column is now trendy. Sure, I’ve tried to be trendy in the past. Remember all the Y2K columns? How about my ceaseless references to what Regis said on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” Man, those were hip, happenin’ times around here. Well, after watching the Oscars I learned that the best thing – for the whole world – is to shamelessly capitalize on the green trend, thus giving the appearance of resolving major energy, climate and natural resource problems.
If you missed it the Oscars went green this year, which meant that they used recycled paper and soy breast implants. (If you’re curious, they look and feel real, but the smell … oh, the smell). Then, the other day, I saw a story on the news about how wedding planners are now advertising “green” weddings. That means that the origami swans on every place setting will be made from hemp and later be used to make sandals. Or something.
Of course, these green weddings will be every bit as large, showy and expensive as the old weddings. They’ll still feature large delivery trucks idling outside the venue, sprightly women fighting over designer dresses at warehouse sales and price tags that would otherwise be a down payment on a really nice house. But they’ll be green, which means the participants will pretend otherwise.
Pardon the sarcasm. Yes, “going green” is the new AIDS, the new 9/11 firefighters fund and the new anti-fur campaign. In other words: a worthy cause taken up by famous people for a short amount of time before moving on to something else. Anyone who is anyone is going green. Is this helping the planet? The jury is still out on that one.
Don’t get too angry. Most people know that I’m pretty green and pretty liberal. I buy into the notion of conserving energy and trying to halt or slow global climate change. I’ve invested in measures to reduce energy usage at my house and have always supported efforts to increase renewable energy production. But using a small amount of recycled paper or changing a few small parts of your life, especially if you’re only doing it to be stylish, is just a cover. Scientists are finding that some popular hybrid cars aren’t as gas friendly as advertised. Using recycled materials will only slow down our resource shortages if you don’t change how you consume materials. By next year there will be a new “in” thing, a new hook. If, then, everyone goes right back to consuming resources at ridiculous rates then the green trend will be as useful to society as the Zubaz pants trend. It’s all about how we use resources and where we derive our energy.
There is now widespread agreement that global climate change is happening because of human activity. A cold day in the winter isn’t evidence to the contrary. Even if you don’t accept that as absolute fact, it just makes sense to use our current economic strength to convert our energy usage to renewable resources. It’s smart for both business and the environment. I don’t think anyone imagines a future in 100 years where we aren’t using new technology to create efficient, renewable energy. That’s where we should be spending our time, effort and money. That’s a way to “go green” and have it count.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.