Published March 5, 2006 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
By Aaron J. Brown
Recent studies show that minds of partisan Americans use almost no part of their brains’ reasoning capacities in political thought, instead focusing on emotional reactions to messages. In other words, political speech these days is most effective when it varies on themes such as “Bush good” or “Bush bad.” It’s like how the creature from “Frankenstein” reacts to fire.
By now you’re probably tired of hearing about Vice President Cheney’s hunting accident last month. The tragic and/or symbolic event triggered a strange modern political phenomenon.
I don’t know if people are more partisan these days, if there are more partisan people around or if those people are just louder than ever. But whenever something big happens (eg: invasion of foreign country based on vague evidence, or V.P. shooting a dude in the face) people scatter into political camps like they were the last two seats in a game of musical chairs. Few take time to consider actual implications.
About a week after Cheney’s quail hunting mishap, I saw a t-shirt advertised on a popular conservative Web site that read, “I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than go for a drive with Ted Kennedy.” The shirt references longtime Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy’s 40-year-old car accident, which led to the drowning of a young woman at Chappaquiddick.
I know that, in political speech, ugly exploitive satire like this goes both ways. Cheney certainly faced his share of hunting jokes. The problem I have is that this shirt is such an honest depiction of our choices these days. We either hunt with Cheney or ride with Kennedy. And when someone ends up shot in the face or clawing at the windows of a sinking car, the powerful point fingers and the powerless end up paying for it.
The aftermath of Cheney’s accident shows two things. One, the media hasn’t figured out how to make a measured response to world events. Some were tougher on Cheney for this accidental shotgun blast than they were when he deliberately orchestrated a poorly-run, possibly unnecessary war where thousands died, many by being shot in the face. Two, when the gentleman who was wounded in the accident got out of the hospital, he apologized to Cheney for all the trouble. Behold, the two extremes of partisanship: on one side we have a party that waits in the weeds for a small, weak issue to wander away from its mother; on the other we have a party where members feel the need to apologize for obstructing their leader’s random gunfire.
The other day, I dreamt I was backstage at a robotics conference. For some unexplained reason (as though I need to say that), former Gov. Jesse Ventura was the keynote speaker. As he walked by, I noticed his nametag read “robot governor.” (I don’t know what that means, but it seems noteworthy) A robot dog, controlled by an old woman with a microphone and joystick, introduced our colorful ex-gov. A few moments after Ventura began speaking, the robot dog gleefully shouted “vote Republican!” In true ex-wrestler style, Ventura smashed the expensive robot with a folding chair.
Now, let’s suspend judgment on the fact that I am a strange man with strange, strange dreams. Let’s also acknowledge the geeky subject matter and blatant liberal bias of my deep subconscious. Never mind those things. Instead, let’s compare the simplistic blurting of that robot and the governor’s response to what we hear on talk radio, cable news and in political speeches from both parties.
I’m no dream expert, but what I take from my nighttime vision is a call for action. It’s about time we smash some robots in this country. Not just Republican robots, but any political automaton that bellows platitudes and sound bites instead of substance.
So, what are you? Human or robot?
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.