Published Feb. 8, 2004 in the Hibbing Daily Tribune
Until now, I always thought the most annoying hand-held device was the mouth harp.
That twang! That infernal twang!
But according to national news reports, disdain for the mouth harp is far more rare than the hatred many people feel toward cellular phones.
In an Associated Press story released last month, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology study revealed that the cell phone is the most annoying modern device that people can’t live without. In other words, many people need cell phones, but also hate them.
In the interest of disclosure I must say that I own a cell phone and use it fairly often. It’s a big help for someone like me who travels for work and deals with a lot of people. I like to think, however, that I use my phone responsibly.
I don’t use the phone when I’m enjoying a meal with someone.
I don’t leave the phone on at the theater.
I don’t answer the phone within 10 feet of a toilet.
The other day I was at a large Hibbing store known for its Darwinian strength in modern retail commerce. (Any guesses?) A guy was using one of the commodes when I walked in. A second later, I heard the guy’s cell phone ring.
In the time between the first and second rings, I thought to myself, “Dear God, do not let this man answer this phone. Let there be hope for humanity by this man allowing voice mail to pick up the call until he finishes his business.”
Using his free hand, the man picked the phone out of his jacket pocket – which required some skillful jiggling – and held it to his ear. “Hello,” he said. “Hey. What’s up?”
I ducked into a distant stall of the restroom, hoping for the sake of our society that this was part of a candid camera show, not actual human behavior. Alas, my hopes were dashed as his conversation continued throughout the duration of his previously engaged activity.
I’ve heard about this happening in women’s restrooms, but this was the first time I saw a guy pull this off. And let me repeat, this did not occur in a stall, but at the urinal!
How do people carry on cell phone conversations in public restrooms? The people on the other end of the line must know where they are. First, there’s an echo. Second, there’s flushing and running sinks. Third, there’s – how shall we say – a symphony of private noises largely unsuited for civilized discussion.
Maybe I’m old fashioned, but if someone I was talking to on the phone were in the midst of personal relief, that fact would greatly influence the conversation.
ME: “Yeah, Mr. Public Official. I’m calling to get a quote for my column.”
MR. PUBLIC OFFICIAL: “OK. Give me a minute. (grunting). OK, what do you want to know?”
ME: “Ah. Um. Err. Should I call you back?”
MR. PUBLIC OFFICIAL: “Hey, you’ve got me on the phone. (flush) Stop wasting my time.”
When telecommunication pioneers envisioned a wide network of personal, portable telephones, I doubt this is what they had in mind.
If someone wanted to shake your hand while you were in the restroom, I’d bet you’d tell him to wait. The same should be true for your cell phone. Just because it rings in the bathroom, doesn’t mean you have to answer it in the bathroom.
Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for The Daily Tribune.